Things are looking better this morning...

I think. :)

Last night I stayed in a room down on the cancer ward. One of the nurses called down and arranged it for me. They know we're roughly an hour from home here... and didn't want me just "hanging out" last night.

They have two rooms down there off the "Atrium" for families of cancer patients that are far from home. It was a little... weird... You're kind of isolated... away from the actual rooms and other populated areas. No attached bath, so I got all my "stuff" done before I was ready to "check in". They used to give you a key, but now one of the nurses has to let you in with a swipe card. I didn't want to have to keep getting them, so I got a couple of towels and some wash cloths from the ICU nurses and went in one of the bathrooms up here and washed up... went down and got a nurse to let me in. She very kindly gave me a comb (I'd forgotten my hairbrush, so was finger fluffed yesterday), and a cup of ice water, and then I locked myself in for the night. I was so tired, it didn't take long to fall asleep. And then Josh called. The weather was a little rough last night, and he was all by himself in the house. I think he was just slightly freaked out. I could stay on the phone and chat tho. I really was just running on coffee and chocolate yesterday. My head hit the pillows and I was out like a light. Woke up a short bit around our regular wake-up time, but quickly fell back asleep until the alarm went off around 5:15.

I didn't have to "check out" until 10, but there was a 6-7 visitation this morning, and I wanted to check on Joe. He was still a little out of it when I left at 9 last night... and they were still giving him blood. I just wanted to get up here and eyeball him.

He was awake when I went in... God bless his dear little heart... they're still not letting him have anything to eat or drink as they want to be sure he's over the bleeding and all before they let him put anything on his stomach, in case they have to check him out again. The nurses have felt bad for him tho, and have been allowing him some ice chips. The new chemo really dehydrates him. His lips are all dry and chapped, and then having had the vent Thursday, his throat has been really irritated. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before, but just as soon as the gift shop opens, I'm going down to get him some gum. It'll "freshen" his mouth and help produce some saliva to keep his mouth more moisturized. It'll maybe give him the comfort of chewing too. I asked the nurse to be sure, and she said that would be fine. He just can't eat it.

Our surgeon, Dr. W, is supposed to be coming in to eyeball Joe... and I'm sure Dr. G will come through again, and the GI doc... His hemoglobin was good earlier, and the nurse was just getting ready to do another CBC when I was leaving. God willing, this has all settled and if they don't have to give him more blood and all, and watch him so closely, maybe... juuust maybe... they'll put us back in a room on 5 tonight. I'm going to have to do something, myself, about a shower... wash my hair... If they'd have had a key for that room last night that I could have come and gone without bothering the nurses, they have a shower right there by the room where I stayed. I just didn't want to have to go out and leave my door open with my computer and other stuff in there. If we get in a room again, Joe and I both may be able to get really cleaned up. Poor baby... he's not had a shower since Wednesday night. I KNOW he feels gookie... Don't have to worry over his hair much. Chemo's pretty well taken care of that again. Anyway, I told Joe if he has any concerns over not remembering what "Hank" said, to tell him I'm either here in the waiting room, or he can call me on my cell and I'll come up, if I'm downstairs. Haven't heard or seen anything yet so... I TRULY don't think they'd kick me out if I'd have stayed in there... If I'm with him, they don't have as much to do. I just don't want to not know what's going on.

All that said... I really DO feel better today about where we're at right now. Last night, with the blood still coming and all, I was still a little freaked out. I just layed it all in God's hands last night. All I can do with all of this. I had to call Joe's "boss"... our friend Tony... last night and tell him Joe wouldn't be in again today... and most likely tomorrow... Tony said to not worry about it. He'll take care of things. He said he often tells Joe to go home and rest... I was just real honest with him. Joe doesn't work, Joe doesn't get paid, it doesn't matter how Joe feels. Maybe... just maybe... that'll put it to Tony that not only does Joe DESERVE to be working with Boeing (he agrees Joe is an awesome worker... gives above and beyond his "pay grade"), but he NEEDS to be on with a company that will give Joe better benefits during all of this... vacation days, sick days... more money to be able to live on when he's not able to work... Who knows? God can take and make good out of bad. He does it all the time.

I hate cancer... I hate that Joe has cancer... but honestly, Joe having cancer has wrought a change in him. No more drinking. That is a HUGE bonus, 'cause we were having issues with that. His whole outlook on a lot of things have changed. Facing your mortality can make a big difference in how you view different aspects of life. Our relationship is better in the long run. If we achieve our goal of beating the cancer back... who knows?

Okay... time to go buy some gum... and then it'll be time to go back in and check on Joe. See if the doc has been in... or Docs... I'll report back when I know more!

Tons of hugs and thank yous! Susan